Something to hide

Something to hide.

June 1, 2014 at :15am

I have something to hide. Trapped within my soul is something that not even the closest people in my lifes know exist. It’s a monster; It’s a depression; It’s an anger; It’s an obsession. It’s what I keep caged to myself in order to look somewhat sane in an already insane world. In the darkest part of  my mind rests the problems, disappointments, and sadness consumed within my life that I wished didn’t exist yet define who I have become.

It’s what masks an aching heart with a smile. It’s what makes me want to be alone when I already feel lonely. It’s what haunts me at the middle of the night questioning everything I thought I understood. It’s what causes me to be numb wondering how many tragedies can i take before giving up. It’s what makes me feel like I'm not good enough no matter how amazing I can be. In the attempt not to have this darkness within, being exploited, it will be tucked away as voices in my head scream for my escape when in reality my mouth will never admit my pain.

I have something to hide. Something I will never admit to. Something that I never be fully understood by myself or other. Something I can never be able to explain even if I wanted to share it with the world. It’s the terrifying monster that has found a home in me; that I am alone faces.